Last night’s antics in combination with a couple weeks of tough feelings equalled life giving me a few slaps in the face. It is a black eye I am happy about because I think it is scaring me into actually figuring something out. A lack of experience and lack of specific path have me scared shitless about the next five years. I do not know what I am headed towards, if anything at all.
I have not felt connected to anything or anyone in some time now. Leaving and coming back was easy at first. That giddy sense of return and love quickly fades into reality, and everyone falls back into the place there lives went without you around. You once again learn who really cares, but no one is never a welcomed realization. It is what I think a rabbit hole would feel like. Alice I’m still falling, send someone to catch me, would ya? I’m ready for the Wonderland part.
I want to graduate and begin a life of working and progressing something incredibly interesting. Easy to say, trying to figure out how the hell to make it remotely likely.
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