East of Eden.

My mind is racing even though I'm tired.
I want to sleep, but I want to think.
I want to read, but I want to be conscious enough to soak up every word.
It's amazing how the thought of reading 'the classics' in high school was dreadful,
and now I find them rivoting.

Wow, that was quick.
The drooping has begun.
Goodnight.

"Where everybody knows your name..."

"Friendships come and go..."
A classic phrase expressed throughout a person's life.
Not exactly the best concept to be taught if you think about it.
From a young child to adulthood it gives a cop-out
for every time you let a friendship fall by the wayside.

After cycling through the past few years of friendships,
I have definitely made my cop-outs.
Then my brain churns over being the person who fell to the wayside.
As I really think about it,
it's like divorce without all the paperwork.

Friendships, for some people, are the closest relationships they have ever had.
Allowing yourself to let someone into your soul and know you through and through
is no small feat.
Especially when those friends are what become family,
making the 'divorce' every ounce as more painful.

I am not one to allow people fully into my world with ease.
I love meeting people and making new friends,
but to truly let someone into my life is and always will be difficult for me.
Until recently I never fully mulled over the pains and losses from friendships past.
It brings to light, in my mind, those who truly know virtually every page in the story of my life to date.
The concept is trivial, but time really does mean something.

There are not many,
very, very few actually,
friends from prior to college I still stay in contact with.
Mulling over that has its pains,
but true joys when realizing those who have affected me in such a way that I still miss them,
on a regular basis.

The list is minimal,
but very close to my heart.
I pray every day a divorce is not to come in any fashion.
Missing and loving,
Brittany

Steinbeck and Classic Rock

Organized education is something I have never quite thought twice about,
until recently.
After dealing with inane professors and topics irrelevant to my existence,
I am becoming continually more against the concept.
Go figure I plan on a three-year post-graduate collegiate education.
Wow.
The idea has never bothered me before because I enjoy learning,
but life is short.
How happy I would be to have the life of a wandering artist.
I find the thought of a completely unstructured life,
thoroughly appealing.
Luckily I don't have my heights set on getting married.
Not that I have ANY artistic abilities to speak of,
so talk about wishful thinking.
I daydream of another life,
not possible for me to live.
Instead I strive for the structured life of a lawyer.
Entertainment attached to the front gives it something,
I suppose.
How invigorating would it be to able to live a happy life,
and get an education by reading Steinbeck,
and jamming to such geniuses as Creedence Creekwater Revival, Zeppelin,
The Who, The Rolling Stone, Eric Clapton, etc.
I should have been an actor.
An Indie film actor to be specific.
No celebrity.
Now to mix it all together into the life I actually live,
and live it to the fullest.
So I continue striving for New York,
with my spare time filled with Steinbeck in hand,
and Classic Rock in the ears.
ONWARD!

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

Holidays, oh holidays.
Hope and happiness restored?
I try and try.
The dream of holidays is kept in my mind,
but the actuality is oh so very different.
Thanksgiving spent with my sister's-boyfriend's family...
Only to come back to Knoxville on Friday,
for no reason than nothing else to do.
Thanksgiving only being a three-day holiday makes that okay.

Christmas Break, however, is coming full speed ahead.
10 days until the hell that is my current finals situation is over.
Then what?
I have no idea.
To go the zillion miles to Gulf Shores into Awkward Hell,
Or...
I suppose the only other option is stay in Knoxville in a friend's apartment...
Happy Holidays.

(A more upbeat post soon to follow, ha)

Killin' Cancer Cells with Pinot.

I want that group of friends at the jazz club,
drinking bottles of pinot,
laughing and loving.

That's what joy is,
in my mind.

'That' group of friends.
You can think of it as Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey if you like.
Just change Central Perk and coffee to Art&Soul wine bar.

Living, Loving, and Letting Live.
Appreciating everything about each other,
especially the flaws.
Growing everyday from simply knowing one another.
The poetry of everyday life.

Laugh and smile everyday,
it's what your soul wants you to do.

Whether ticklin' the keys brings you joy,
or going to the frat house with your sisters,
just do it with a smile.

Drinking my pinot (I wish) listening to Jazz Holiday,
Brittany

Love

It had to come up sooner or later.
Love.
No other title will suffice the subject.

I am literally, virtually the only person I know who has never been in love.
In my mind, I know there is good reason.
In my soul, however, there is that burning curiosity.
The feeling and awe expressed in the music I adore so much,
I do not comprehend.
Or that look of utter joy on the faces of friends and strangers,
when looking at the one they call love.
It is a subject I willingly admit ignorance to,
not because I want to be,
but because it is an opportunity I have yet to be granted.
At least to my knowledge.
Who knows what doors or windows I did not realize were in front of me.
That is life - is it not,
Ignorance is bliss, right?
Maybe the inner-me knows I have yet to be ready,
not that I know what I need to be ready for.

I would love to know what it is like to have that much care for another being.
Obviously, the beautiful love of friendship has transformed my life,
But I know it must be much different.
From some of what I have witnessed it would seem so.
Other instances aren't so inspiring, unfortunately.
I think the possibility of the end might would be worth what happens in between.
Heartbreak has to be misery, loneliness has its moments too.

My heart is open to it.
The crack might be small,
But I believe the right person will seep through with perfect ease.
If you will send it my way I am here,
Waiting patiently.

Cordially... Brittany

Waves.

Pledge 2 Protect Conference 2009

Washington D.C.

I sit. I contemplate. I hurt.

I knew coming into this conference that the subject was going to be heavy,

Obviously.

Realizing and experiencing are two extremely different entities.

Breakfast was simple,

A nice bagel and cream cheese as you listen to remarkably knowledgeable and intelligent people speak.

All it took was one two-minute video.

I do not cry very often about things in my own life, but the suffering of others melts the ice every time.

The first educational session was a large group of Sudanese people talking in a forum-like atmosphere with a Sudanese man leading.

The facts were heartbreaking, but the atmosphere was in such an educational format, emotions were not as easily released.

Then came the second educational session.

As an avid art lover, I knew this would be an amazing session.

Every time it happens, it hits me like a gust of wind off the Hudson swirling in between a building you just happen to be walking by,

in winter.

Inspirational, creative minds are my weakness.

It never fails.

The five-person panel, each of them hitting me with a different wave of emotion.

Each so compelling it’s almost frustrating.

People willing to give all of their time and self to spread their passion are of the most beautiful.

What I would give to have more of that soul,

and more of those souls in my life.

Thank you DC, I thoroughly enjoyed you.

Poetry in Motion

What is it about a deep breath during a brisk fall night,

that makes everything in life seem even that much more beautiful?

No matter your mood.

Walking down the street on a fall night,

looking up as you take in the freshness of fall air,

all you see is beauty.

Whether it be a leaf crinkling under your feet below,

or the swift movement of a squirrel across the street nearby,

it all happens with smooth, poetic motion.

Life in general is more poetic in the fall season.

Knee-slapping laughs come a little more often,

friendships grow a little deeper,

and hats become even more comfy.

I can only imagine the heavenly sensation of those taking a stroll in Central Park.

Endorphines

Help.

I do not understand.

Why is it that randomly I will get my life together and run everyday for a week,

but then stop.

Even though I thoroughly enjoy the feeling immediately after and the next morning.

Not to mention less guilt when treating yourself,

while no longer having as much desire to.

Wouldn't it be nice if the world made something so heavenly a little more fun during?

I just need to find my niche in the realm of endorphines.

Biking in Thailand was fun, I like to swim.

Too bad I don't see either of those having easy access in my day-to-day life.

Books on tape, eh?

Like the saying goes, nothing worth having comes easy.

Someone kick my tail outside and get me moving.

I do love the cold.

Tinglies

Crushes occur for most people rather easily.

I on the other hand have the hardest time liking someone.

Somehow within the past month or so, I have come across this tingling sensation twice.

It is quite fun for someone to make laughing even that much more fun.

Common interests in conversation don't hurt either.

Will this be the turning point in the lack of relationships in my life?

Who the hell knows.

Not I,

but it is quite fun to have the tingling thoughts of maybe again.