Are you worthwhile?

As the dreary day commenced, I scurried to throw on a fadora and get to class on time.

When I first awoke I didn't realize what a ponderous day it would become.

One question has circled through my mind all day and for the past few weeks. What is it that makes a relationship worthwhile? Whether it be a romantic relationship, friendship, or relative - what is it that makes certain ones so special?

Is it mutual respect? Maybe an unrivaled ability to make you laugh? What draws you back to that same person everyday? Each person who's apart of my life in some way is circling through my mind, and I am becoming sickeningly aware of some relationships that do not make me grow or become better. Is that a requirement? Intellectual stimulation has become almost as important as a good laugh in my world. I have always pined for it, but was never truly aware of how it is so close to breath in this short life. Funny and smart - I have seen it happen, I will find you.

I checked the mail today, only to find something from Thailand. Why would my father mail me something? It turned out to be nothing other than my W-2, but it brought to light the fact that I knew when opening it that it wouldn't actually be something from him. Recent contemplations of relationships have shown me that though I have moved past the pain, I live those experiences everyday by how they have shaped my personality, who I am in general, and how I see the world. It is not something I can just leave in the past and act as though it never happened. Though I will never have a relationship with my father, I have learned an immense number of life lessons from him. I suppose that is his job, right? I now know exactly how not to treat people, which is something I am specifically grateful to have learned early in relation with adulthood. I fail miserably some days, but I am thankful to be aware. Due to his contribution, I am genetically programmed to build relationships at arms length. It is, honest to god, the thing I love and hate most about myself. It has given me a great people perception, but at the same time, I still struggle with allowing in those I have come to trust. In case we never speak again,

"Thanks for allowing me to appreciate all people, music that stirs the soul, appreciating an amazing meal & glass of fine wine, and most importantly a passion to see as much of the world as I possibly can. Hope you got what you wanted out of your life."