I am literally alone, with no outlet, for the first time in many years.
I don't know what to do with myself,
who am I to talk to?
I have movies and television as an outlet,
but that isn't life - much less mine.
How do I bring all the feelings to reality?
I may be in a pretty place for the next 3+ months,
but what does that mean for my mind?
I cannot keep it together.
I want that conversation and relationships,
my friends (recent real ones for sure) have kept me sane.
I am REALLY feeling the lack of New York in my life recently,
and how to live otherwise is not coming easily.
and I don't know how to fix it.
For sure, I don't know how to live without it anymore,
the suffocation is taking over.
Help.
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I am happy that your friends - the REAL ones are keeping you sane! Sorry that you are at such odds right now. I can only say a simple, nerdy thing. Find your voice and your life in books and writing. Books - are where all the answers are and even if they aren't there you may enjoy some time with some new friends. If you cannot sit still long enough to read a book or if they bore you - then I'm afraid this feeling may follow you to Europe. Being with yourself, and a good book. That is the answer to everything. Baring that - and that I'm full of crap - a few drinks doesn't hurt, and neither does marking big fat Xs off on a calendar. Hugs, hope things get better! xo
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